long road

This one dates i believe from shortly before i started college, so 2004-5.
So far i am resisting the temptation to edit this old stuff.

~

"Take up your cross, and follow Me," you said.
But oh, Lord Jesus, I'm weak,
and oh, Lord Jesus, I am frightened.
It's a long long road up to that black hill.
Those harsh and rusted nails, waiting
to skewer a familiar pleasure --
That little habit --
what harm did it do to anyone,
that it should be spread out to scream and
shrivel in the sun?
All those little loves too? to be hammered
there to bleed, drop by drop? to die?
Oh, Jesus, this black burden on my back
is my own self crucified,
and it's a long long road up that black hill.