faith

 Lord, what a wandering season

circling about you

stones in my shoes.

Lord, what a weary season:

I go out and come back

not finding

those streams, 

those quick and laughing streams.

The memory plays about these dusty days

like music.

Once when I was young,

creek wading in springtime,

the banks flushed and full

all the pebbles gleamed and shone

in the quick water,

the brown ordinary bumps transformed

to brilliance.

Manna, I think

must taste like the white wafers

at church: hardly a remembering

of bread, stale,

hard to swallow without wine.

Easy to grow weary of such food.

I hold out my hand for the white disk again

and again,

I go in and come back,

I return to you, searching.

I remember the press of brightness,

whiter than white, bluer than blue,

enough to crush me

into silence, a weight and light

to fill up heaven

to press into the earth

to fill up every fold of it.

I could not hold --

Oh Holy --

I would go on dying forever there

in that whiteness, 

but one does not hold glory

as one might hold a stone.

One goes on walking, in and out

returning, hoping.