Wednesday, April 5, 2023

like a stone in your throat

It feels like dying, this new life you gave,

this roughskinned seed of faith. I'm like a stone

caught in your throat. You said you'd save

sinners, not the righteous. Your name tastes

burned and bitter in my mouth.


You said you wouldn't leave us, here, alone.

 

Your blood's dried sticky, bitter on my teeth--

the hot salt lump of meat caught in my throat.

I gulp and choke. It's not meat my body needs,

not this raw gore. I wanted bread and wine.

You said this is my body: take and eat.

 

I take you into myself. My stomach turns

outside itself, revolts. I'd throw you up 

like the beast revolted Jonah onto the earth,

to preach your gospel to some shithole shanty town

poor enough to pray for your new birth.

 

I drink you like gold ash: precious, poison.

Crawl like a fly, tasting the burned dirt with my feet

to crystal streams, where praise warps into noise,

salt in my ears.

I hate it here.

 

I hate it here.

And you, still, say Come. Say,

Take and eat.


Wednesday, March 1, 2023

i dreamed i lay me down to sleep

I dreamed I lay me down to sleep

And did not rise again;

Whatever tears my lovers wept

They watered me like rain.


I was a garden, in my bed--

I melted into earth

While all the loves I ever had

Crawled through me like white worms,


And all the loves I ever loved

Sprang up, like seeds to sun,

Alive, unlost, though I forgot

Their names as I dissolved.

Thursday, June 23, 2022

blessed

 Blessed are the poor in spirit

or maybe that's just the poor

i need more spirit, that's for sure

i don't feel blessed

i'm not the best

at love. Ineffective,

recursive. I sit

like slick

black grease. Greed,

or grief. I need

less of myself, more

spirit. Sipping spoons

of my own sins--no prophet, 

I meant 

to sing you songs, 

not this lament

of middle age

unwomanhood, ungrown

to fruitfulness, 

curling the same sour leaves.

Bees leave my flowers alone,

they don't taste sweet.

Escapist, weak willed, it's soap in my throat, 

acid bitter, acedia

medication

mental masturbation

shame's as good as any reason

to turn away from all this

shit--

Good God, the self pity

was bad enough at eight, at twelve, sixteen

At thirty it's obscene

as a newborn crowning, streaked

with chalky grease, red and white

helpless, sinless, hungry 

to gape for suck and wail.

Will you, God, mother us 

at your own breast

when we so streaked and shameless scream?

Will you, till we rest?

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

haiku stuff

 clouds, teased out and soft

against the sky, like cotton 

or white wool, unspooled


may days unwind warm,

unhurried. Promise summer, 

someday, soon


soon we will sweat and 

shine, heat greased and gleaming, flushed

pink, unfolding freckles


february's seeds

unfolded now, brown specks broken

into new green leaves


green, and more green. May 

breathes thick with it. Air crammed

with pollen and plant breath


always, the assault: 

no tender prickle at eye 

and throat, these seeds have teeth


red throat lizard, bright

red bird, roses unfolded

loose as cups, as clouds


some may days the blue 

blue sky

blooms with its loose, its tender clouds

Thursday, April 14, 2022

heartbreak glassbreak

heartbreak, glass break
it's goddamn hard here
even when you're not alone
sweep up the pieces
guess i'm going on 

sharp edge glitter in the dustpan
blood slick in my hand
floor's sticky with spilled wine
how you doing sweetheart
one day i'll be doing fine

heartbreak, glass break
sweep it up the best you can
dump the pieces in the garbage
go rinse off your hand

how you doing sweetheart
we do the best we can


blues for the children

Can't get back my baby

No matter what I do

I can't get back my baby 

No matter what I try to do

Whole world full of children shining

All I want is you


Fed my baby peanut butter

Fed my baby rice and beans

Can't put meat on the table

Can't grow backyard greens

Fed my baby peanut butter

Bills past due again


Want to burn that goddamn schoolhouse

Want to burn it to the ground

all those broken window schools

Just want to burn them down

Want to pack up all my babies

And leave this goddamn town


Five dollar bottle 

couple gram of weed

Gonna buy myself a bottle

and a little bag of weed

I might as well buy something 

I can't get what I need


Look at all the pretty babies

In their worn out tennis shoes

Look at all the pretty babies

Makes you want to sing the blues

Whole world full of children

All I want is you


I can't get back my baby

No matter what I do 

I said I can't get back my baby

Baby

No matter what I do





little foxes (scraps)

We all like foxes snap and bite at scraps,

the shreds left on the bones, that stink


gnaw our trapped legs--

welcome the sharp shred of our own teeth  

the pain we choose--a little breath

perhaps, away 

from where we're spitted

with unchosen teeth


We spit and hiss behind our little teeth,

we nip and snap, we spit


We all like little foxes snap and bite

We run, burned from our dens, by dried wheat set alight--

our little holes, our little stinking dens, 

our dark and bone filled burrows.

Like little frightened foxes meet our little ends.